It has been a crazy week since my first treatment of Taxol
and I have 11 more weeks of this to go. I brought my mother to this round
as my support system since this one fell on a Tuesday and not Kevin's day off.
We arrived on time and everything went the way it usually
goes, though the waiting was a bit longer. It was the day after New Years, so
they had two days of patients. I was placed (at first) in the most exposed seat
in the fusion room, which I was not a fan of, and there was no table for my
computer. Life’s problems, right?
I right away started to feel sick and they had literally
given me nothing, not even a saline drip. I was moments away from throwing up
when she had (during this time) given me Benadryl. This made me so drowsy the
nausea faded. I realized that most likely all the horrendous experiences with
the red devil were messing with my head and showing up in a very, real,
physical reaction.
Actually, before they had even taken me back I was handed my
lunch menu and that made me sick. The memories of the lunches eaten before in
the fusion room caused my stomach to swirl and head to spin in disgust, even if
the food is quite good. And, honestly, it is good but the association to the
treatment is more than my brain can bear.
Once I felt better the food came within moments, and the
treatment went faster than the previous. If it weren’t for the delays, we may
have gotten out of their earlier. Not a complaint, just a reality of the new
chemo not taking as long as the first more aggressive treatment.
My ray of sunshine, I didn’t need to have the nulasta pack.
Man I gagged just a little at the thought of that.
It was a huge relief. I
would rather do weekly treatments then have to go through that again. I felt
nauseated every time the pack would kick on 27 hours after it was placed on my
stomach. Once it kicked on it would inject medicine for 45 minutes. Vomit. I
didn’t need the steroids anymore either. I had hoped that they were the cause
of my heartburn, but turns out I still need to take that Prilosec.
I do forget to take my vitamins now that I have less other
medications to take. And I just remembered I didn’t take it today either…oh
boy. I also have been waning on the water intake. When you don’t feel as bad
you forget, but I’m not so foolish to think that I will feel this good next
time as the Red Devil was different each time as well.
With less meds, I hoped for less side effects and true they
are less, however, there are some new ones as well. My eyebrows are
disappearing. My head is sweating
profusely at night, so I can’t wear the hats like I like to when I sleep. I
hear that it’s normal, but it scares me a little as I know cancer causes night
sweats. But would I just sweat in one place? A question for the doctor tomorrow
or nurse. I only see the doctor once every three weeks now, unless requested.
Oh, wait, there is more. I have extra dry feet and weird
discolorations on my fingers and toes (though that kind of started with the Red
Devil). It’s super cute. Plus, I feel like I have aged so much. And still, no
weight loss. I want to be upset about the lack of weight loss, but (and I may have
said this before) this could be the reason I have staved off sickness and/or infections.
Maintaining, if not gaining, a glorious overweight weight.
Then the rest of the week I had so many worries. Combatting
with how I feel with worrying about my forgetfulness and paying the bills. Let
me tell you, chemo brain is a real thing. I have made more mistakes with my
bills when on the Red Devil then I realized, and I feel like I’m coming out of
that fog and trying to play catch up. I sit here trying to be sure there is
nothing we are forgetting. The house is also falling behind in cleaning as
Kevin is only one man.
And there is the paperwork in relationship to the treatments
to fill out that required a trip to the post office. By 500 pm I’m ready for
bed and I’m oversleeping. This week has been quite the opposite in some ways.
No insomnia, that’s for sure. Staying awake is the problem.
And the one errand I ran this week that meant more to me
than I could do justice with words was a visit to a friend of a friend. I was bestowed
two wigs by this woman who she, herself, is battling cancer. However, she isn’t
battling like me, she is foregoing her treatment and donating her vast collection
of wigs that she never had the chance to use. She felt awesome helping me and I’m
eternally grateful to have more options in hair ware. The shorter wigs are much
better for more daily wear as the long ones don’t last as long if worn daily.
The long one will be for special occasions.
Spending time with this wonderful woman and seeing her strength
and spirit makes me realize how lucky I am at this point. I know things could
change. I could be in the clear and then not. Or I could live to be 101, but I
can only aspire to be as strong and generous as this woman is. I thank her. It
seems small, but it really isn’t. She is one of so many women and men and sadly
children facing a death sentence and still living her life. Still helping
others with the time she has left. It’s incredible. She is incredible.
Another early morning appointment/day tomorrow. My lovely
little brother joined me and Melina today for my cousin’s 4-year old’s birthday
party, however, the little brother and Melina both have school. Kevin and I will be dropping them off early
in the morning before the next round of chemo. I should be getting my hiney to
bed, but I realized I’m about to run into another post. Oops. Told you this
week was a little nutty.
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