5 Treatments of Taxol and Counting

I need to focus on writing about my cancer treatments, but lately social media has my blood pressure on the rise. I open up my Facebook account and I immediately begin firing off words in response to shared memes or articles. I’m also not so foolish to believe it’s not the same response or feelings on both sides. Neither of us listening to each other, just wanting to be heard, believing we are right.

Don’t get me wrong, I still won’t be convinced that an AR-15 is a necessary civilian weapon or that food boxes should be a thing for SNAP, but I do know that other people for one reason or another do believe it. And no matter what I say or how I feel, I will not change their feelings on the matter, nor will they change mine. With that in mind, I need to breathe and not allow myself to get worked up about the things I cannot change.

So I digress and return to the current state of my affairs and treatments. Besides avoiding social media unsuccessfully, so that my blood pressure doesn’t sky rocket, I have many other symptoms rearing their ugly heads each week. Some are repeat visitors and sometimes there are new ones, and sometimes there are sporadic returns of other side effects. Now I'm focused on things I can change...oh wait...I can't control any of these things either. Sure I can make them easier to deal with. Some of them anyway, but overall I'm completely out of the control.

My feet feel fuzzy and numb. My finger nails are misshaped and are extremely tender for a day or two.  After that then they just become mildly tender. Both stem from the neuropathy, which they are closely monitoring as I count down the chemo treatments. My teeth hurt, even though I brush and floss every day. My head aches from day to day as will my body on certain days. My ankles feel swollen and hurt too. Not to mention my constant hot to cold flashes at night. It’s miserable. There is a soreness creeps out from the inner right arm and runs down to my thumb and hand. Sometimes I wonder if I’m dehydrated, but I don’t believe that is it. I believe it’s in relation to the lumpectomy (from what I’ve read) and it will likely spring up from time to time for a while.

I begin to feel guilty on these days as I feel I neglect my family. I neglect my chores and paperwork and my book writing. All the other symptoms have stayed the same for the most part or increased.  Whatever you call this wonderful life of poison. But I do it with a purpose, so I won’t give up. 😉 

Today is a day where my lovely child will spend one more day with her father and we can get some more things, done, but it’s not a great day for me physically and I don’t know that I will move around much once again.

The treatment this week was also the same old same old, as I mentioned previously. Initially, I panicked as it appeared that the nurse who had hurt me with the port access last time, would be the one doing it again this week, but luckily she read my apprehension and got a different nurse to do it. It was once again pain free. Whew!

I went solo again to the appointment as well, and played on the computer while they administered the medicine. I once again fought off the urge to pass out under the influence of the Benadryl. I just refuse to rest while I’m there. I like to drink my coffee or tea and type away or watch Netflix.

HOT FLASH!!!! It’s awful. I pull my hat off and it feels like instant relief.

I have 5 weeks or 5 treatments left before the radiation starts. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to feel normal. I know I will be worried for the next four years or so that this will return, but I can’t wait to not need heart burn meds, or for food to taste normal, or for hair to grow back. I can’t wait (sadly) to have a cocktail and not have it make me feel yucky instantly. I am grateful that I have just a few appointments left of this. I am grateful that these appointments are designed to give me the best odds of survival. Now I just need to take part and start doing things to help the medicine. You know, like take better care of myself.

Seriously, another hot flash? Ugh!  It's every 30 minutes.