On this particular round, I took my mother with me. My cousin Maria was on the schedule, but a work emergency came up and could not be avoided. So I brought my daughter to my mom's, so that my step dad could take her to school. Neither of them realized how long this day would be. The first time it went from 915 am to 230 pm, which meant we needed to head out at 845 and would get back around 300. It's an all day process.
This may just be how long the red devil takes, I'll find out in January I guess, when I start a different medication. That one could take less time.
We arrived and checked in. This is my favorite part (well this was my favorite part til the heartburn thing kicked in), getting coffee. Then there is the prep...my not so favorite part. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about this whole process. I'm still not feeling well. It's almost worse than last time, but not as bad in some ways as well. All the symptoms seemed to have began sooner and I'm afraid of round 3.
Anyway, they do the blood pressure, port access, and blood draw. As I mentioned above, my hands began to sweat from the idea of the port being accessed. I don't feel like this will change going forward. But the more it's done and isn't so terrible, the less likely I will be sweating. It did seem to bother my mom when she realized what was happening. I can understand that. She went from Jake who was stoic about every aspect and I burst into tears at anything new. I can't imagine what will happen if this comes back within five years and it's more of this, but worse. I'm a horrible patient.
Anyway, it went smoothly, but the blood pressure cuff agitated my right arm, the same side as where as my lumpectomy. It appeared to make my arm very, very tender.
We were shown back into the lobby to wait for the doctor. It was another delayed day, I guess. As we waited I ran into one of the ladies from the make up course I had done the week before. She was with who I could only assume was her granddaughter.
After a brief conversation with them, we were called back again. This time to see the nurse and the doctor. The nurse was in and out, and then we sat and waited patiently for a busy oncologist. The appointment went longer than anticipated because we need to discuss the side effects of the first treatment and the ways we could combat hose issues. The blood results were also great, except the ALT, but I had the alcohol..soo... And this reflects liver stuff. It was very low in a good way previously as I had not drank in the weeks leading up to that week, so I'm fairly confident that this is why those numbers were raised.
Anyhoo, after all of that we went back to the lobby to wait another 10 minutes for my infusion station to be ready. In the meantime, I gave information to the schedulers about the free wigs at a local mall related to cancer patients. A friend, Kathy had passed this along to me and I thought it would be great to share with the office. They were very excited about it and made up fliers immediately to share with the other patients. It felt nice to know that both my friend and I were able to help.
After my lunch order was taken we finally were called back. I dropped more brochures off at the station from my wig store that I loved. And then we got settled in. My mom started crocheting and I started pulling out my computer to email work. I forgot to set up my out of office email. I'm not used to being out like this.
My pictures of treatment this week turned into before and afters. It appears that 10 minutes after they injected the red devil, there was definitely a color change to my palor. My mom noticed it and I almost laughed, cause I felt it too.
Once it was 230, they were wrapping it up and putting the Nuelasta pack on me again.
The first few days I actually didn't feel too terrible. Okay, that's a lie, I did feel terrible, but the way I felt the days following those, I'd give anything to feel that good right now. Ugh!
The days that followed included some fun insomnia, rancid heartburn (in some ways worse than before), a counseling appointment, and another heart test. This was all the while my 40th birthday rolled around and we discovered shaving my head would also occur on this day due to the hair loss. It's been an adjustment and although I had picked out a wig and everything, suddenly I became self conscious about it.
I'm not looking forward to work either for all of these reasons. I'm embarrassed and I don't want pity. I share this story because like I've said before I love to write and I overshare, but it's in no means a cry for pity or attention. The embarrassment of all of this and feeling so horrible, it's very debilitating in so many ways. And sometimes you just want to crawl in bed and not get out, but you can't because you have a 5 year old or because heart burn is so bad you can't lay down or because everyone wants you to be happy and positive. It's exhausting. Worrying about money and the future and paperwork and other people's crap...it's so overwhelming I feel like I'm drowning..and I've only had two treatments.
This is definitely the part of the week where my writing is so lacking. I feel like a complete zombie right now, just trying to form a sentence. Until later...
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